1. Let’s face it. In the end, no amount of botulism is going to keep that puppy up. Well, technically it might. But wouldn’t you rather die just looking surprised?

 2. Come on, nobody at your funeral deserves a shout out? Buck up, pay homage, and make it your own.

 3. Before you kick the bucket, isn't it time you looked in it? Is it full or in desperate need of a resupply?  (Review The Laird)

 4. Is death really something you want to take lying down?

 5. Profundity doesn’t happen over night. I can ensure your final message is a  symphony. For an added fee, if you want everybody balling at your memorial, I can arrange that too.

 6. You might be beyond planning seating charts, but don’t you want to set the tone of your own departure? Nothing like going out in your own signature style.

 7. Shoveling dirt on a pine box? Its so been done. Sprinkling your ashes in some sentimental sea? How original. But getting your last word in? Now that’s fresh.

 8. For you shy types –which on some level may be all of us–the upside of your not being there is you can speak as candidly, as lovingly and as unabashedly as you’ve ever dreamed. Without even blushing.

9. This is the opposite of procrastinating.

 10. Why are we willing to spend time in advance on Living Wills, but not on dying words? Come on, you got a little Proust in you. Admit it.

 11. Maybe you haven’t done it, because nobody showed you how.

 12. You are certain you want to donate your eyeballs to be harvested for some stranger but you can’t say a few measly words to your lifelong friends? You righteous withholding bastard.

 13. Whether or not you ever request your loved ones to read it on your behalf, the doing of it is a game changer.

 14. You don’t have to be Rumi or Benjamin Franklin to have others benefit from what you have to say. There is only one you and there will never be another.

 15. And if you don’t embrace the whole “going-out-in-peace-thing” by all means do the among-the-living a favor and expose every last burdensome family secret. I'm not saying dump it and run. I'm saying a eulogy could set a new dynamic of honesty for those that remain.

16. Ever dreamed of being included in the great canon of literature and art? It’s not too late. I can help you deliver your message in alternative forms. Drawn to show tunes or interpretive dance? I'm that talented. Even rap.Ok. Maybe not rap. 

 17. Overwhelmed or unconvinced? Let’s take a dry run with your Great Aunt Katherine. She’s been looking a little pea-ked.

18. Convinced, but don’t know where to begin? That’s my point exactly. Click here. I'm dead serious.